Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2019 8:13:48 GMT -7
“Putting Together a tag team. Insert partner A to Slot B”
AKA The IKEA Approach
First thing we hear as the camera’s head closer to the two females having a discussion is the bellowing of Kentucky’s own Tracy Dixon.
Tracy: NO! I AM NOT A HARDCORE WRESTLER THAT SHIT HURTS! Look, this teaming together is one thing but if it turns into some Swedish hardcore ritual of ruining ones soles with legos, I’m fucking out of there!
Wendy: Actually LEGO’s are Danish they aren’t Swedish.
Tracy: Girl, I don’t care! This is no time to discuss desserts anyway, aren't we supposed to be talking about our opponents. The..the..what Thunderkats?
Wendy: Awesome show but I think these are less cool though even if one part of Thunderkats works.
Tracy: which is?
Wendy: HOOOOOO! Cause they ho’s you know one of them is married to the biggest ho to ever regular ho-ho-ho and this ain’t about Santa.
Tracy: Gent to the point House, I’m sick of the jokes.
Wendy: She’s married to Crystal Hilton!
Tracy: ..I said, enough with the jo-- oh shit, you serious?
Wendy: Like a mofo’in heart attack, which you might have if you don’t put the fork down.
Tracy: I eat to heal up, isn’t that what videogamers doo, collect HP and some such.
Wendy: Yes, but if you keep eating before matches it’s gonna be Wildise Versus Wideside.
Tracy: How many more jokes do you have?
Wendy: Um...
She pulls a pair of glasses out her pocket, puts them on, and reads a crumpled piece of paper.
Wendy: Twenty.... Seven.
Tracy: Oh great...
Wendy: Not counting any me’s impwov. Look, da fing is, we got two sisters. Dey have dem stwonk family bonds. So we musn’t assume this will be easy, terrible taste in marriage partners aside, we must not YUMP to any conclusions.
Tracy: Wait... YUMP?
Wendy: Yah, that’s how the Swedes talk. They can’t say the letter J. They also do weird things with pencils, or as they call them, penceels.
Tracy: I didn’t know you know Swedish?
Wendy Jävlä och satan ocså, Me’s edjumacated
Tracy: What?
Wendy: Fy fan, vi måste gå till Ikea och eta köttbullar!
Tracy: House..you are scaring me. Stop it.
Wendy: Hur mycket kostar de falu korv du satan’s bög?!
Tracy: That’s it, stay here..I’m getting you an excorcism.
Wendy: No you idiot, I can negotiate with the Swedes those are some usual phrases me learned from this new book.
Tracy: ..you can read?
Wendy: Don’t be silly, not onlly can mes wread but me wreads in advanced level almost in WiiU levels..check it out homie.
She offers a book to Tracy who frowns at it.
Tracy: Racial slurs and insults in 32 languages the things never to tell a swede Noble Prize for Insults edition..WE CAN’T USE THAT THESE BITCHES ARE GOING TO MURDER US!
This impresses House.
Wendy: OOOH, Dibs on getting stabbed with a pencil! That looked so kewl! Figure B2 could do it..
Tracy: I..I don’t wan’t to even think about this. Look, ladies..
Wendy: Brumhilde and Hildegard..
Tracy: Brumhilde and..No! Put that damn book away!
Wendy: Fine, me just twying to help.
Tracy: Help getting us killed, I don’t care who they are married or where they are from, you keep insulting them, they will just carve us to pieces and sell us for parts.
Wendy: Silly Twacy that’s not how organ sales work. Look, no need to worry Swedes are like the Canadians of the Nordic countries. They are really polite and pretty and talk funny, but they wouldn’t ACTUALLY hurt anyone, because..nevermind we’ll leave it at that.
Dixon glares at House.
Tracy: What are you hiding?
Wendy: Nothing. Mes just like keeping hands behind me back, for back support you know.
Tracy: Wendy...give me the damn book.
Wendy: What book, mes have no book. You took the book already.
Dixon’s voice gets deeper.
Tracy: The OTHER book.
House sighs and hands it over..the blue and white cover on it. Dixon picks it up and reads.
“101 reasons why Swedes are no-good pansies..By the Finnish People First!? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A BOOK CLUB DO YOU BELONG TO HOUSE?! IS THIS SHIT EVEN LEGAL?!”
Wendy: Mebbe not, but it sure is funny. Like there’s this joke about why all Swedish women are so stupid..
Tracy: No.
Wendy: Well another one says why they are such sluts..
Tracy: Wendy!
Wendy: Then there’s the one that explains why the Swedish men are sooo gay..
Tracy: Can’t you just SHUT UP!?
Wendy: Oh to helvete with those Swedes if they can’t take a fuckin’ joke.
Dixon turns to the camera.
Tracy: Ladies, please. I’d like to express my deepest apologies our team does not sign any of these horrible statements and we apologize deeply for any hurt or utter offense it may has caused, my partner..she’s insane and clearly has no self preservation or common sense..so let’s just go out there tonight for Winter Violence and put on the best damn match we can and show the SRW Fans just what two really great teams can do--
Wendy: APOLOGIES? Grow a damn backbone Dixon, what are you, SWEDISH?!
Tracy: THAT’S IT TURN THAT GOODAMN CAMERA OFF!
With that we cut off violently.
AKA The IKEA Approach
First thing we hear as the camera’s head closer to the two females having a discussion is the bellowing of Kentucky’s own Tracy Dixon.
Tracy: NO! I AM NOT A HARDCORE WRESTLER THAT SHIT HURTS! Look, this teaming together is one thing but if it turns into some Swedish hardcore ritual of ruining ones soles with legos, I’m fucking out of there!
Wendy: Actually LEGO’s are Danish they aren’t Swedish.
Tracy: Girl, I don’t care! This is no time to discuss desserts anyway, aren't we supposed to be talking about our opponents. The..the..what Thunderkats?
Wendy: Awesome show but I think these are less cool though even if one part of Thunderkats works.
Tracy: which is?
Wendy: HOOOOOO! Cause they ho’s you know one of them is married to the biggest ho to ever regular ho-ho-ho and this ain’t about Santa.
Tracy: Gent to the point House, I’m sick of the jokes.
Wendy: She’s married to Crystal Hilton!
Tracy: ..I said, enough with the jo-- oh shit, you serious?
Wendy: Like a mofo’in heart attack, which you might have if you don’t put the fork down.
Tracy: I eat to heal up, isn’t that what videogamers doo, collect HP and some such.
Wendy: Yes, but if you keep eating before matches it’s gonna be Wildise Versus Wideside.
Tracy: How many more jokes do you have?
Wendy: Um...
She pulls a pair of glasses out her pocket, puts them on, and reads a crumpled piece of paper.
Wendy: Twenty.... Seven.
Tracy: Oh great...
Wendy: Not counting any me’s impwov. Look, da fing is, we got two sisters. Dey have dem stwonk family bonds. So we musn’t assume this will be easy, terrible taste in marriage partners aside, we must not YUMP to any conclusions.
Tracy: Wait... YUMP?
Wendy: Yah, that’s how the Swedes talk. They can’t say the letter J. They also do weird things with pencils, or as they call them, penceels.
Tracy: I didn’t know you know Swedish?
Wendy Jävlä och satan ocså, Me’s edjumacated
Tracy: What?
Wendy: Fy fan, vi måste gå till Ikea och eta köttbullar!
Tracy: House..you are scaring me. Stop it.
Wendy: Hur mycket kostar de falu korv du satan’s bög?!
Tracy: That’s it, stay here..I’m getting you an excorcism.
Wendy: No you idiot, I can negotiate with the Swedes those are some usual phrases me learned from this new book.
Tracy: ..you can read?
Wendy: Don’t be silly, not onlly can mes wread but me wreads in advanced level almost in WiiU levels..check it out homie.
She offers a book to Tracy who frowns at it.
Tracy: Racial slurs and insults in 32 languages the things never to tell a swede Noble Prize for Insults edition..WE CAN’T USE THAT THESE BITCHES ARE GOING TO MURDER US!
This impresses House.
Wendy: OOOH, Dibs on getting stabbed with a pencil! That looked so kewl! Figure B2 could do it..
Tracy: I..I don’t wan’t to even think about this. Look, ladies..
Wendy: Brumhilde and Hildegard..
Tracy: Brumhilde and..No! Put that damn book away!
Wendy: Fine, me just twying to help.
Tracy: Help getting us killed, I don’t care who they are married or where they are from, you keep insulting them, they will just carve us to pieces and sell us for parts.
Wendy: Silly Twacy that’s not how organ sales work. Look, no need to worry Swedes are like the Canadians of the Nordic countries. They are really polite and pretty and talk funny, but they wouldn’t ACTUALLY hurt anyone, because..nevermind we’ll leave it at that.
Dixon glares at House.
Tracy: What are you hiding?
Wendy: Nothing. Mes just like keeping hands behind me back, for back support you know.
Tracy: Wendy...give me the damn book.
Wendy: What book, mes have no book. You took the book already.
Dixon’s voice gets deeper.
Tracy: The OTHER book.
House sighs and hands it over..the blue and white cover on it. Dixon picks it up and reads.
“101 reasons why Swedes are no-good pansies..By the Finnish People First!? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A BOOK CLUB DO YOU BELONG TO HOUSE?! IS THIS SHIT EVEN LEGAL?!”
Wendy: Mebbe not, but it sure is funny. Like there’s this joke about why all Swedish women are so stupid..
Tracy: No.
Wendy: Well another one says why they are such sluts..
Tracy: Wendy!
Wendy: Then there’s the one that explains why the Swedish men are sooo gay..
Tracy: Can’t you just SHUT UP!?
Wendy: Oh to helvete with those Swedes if they can’t take a fuckin’ joke.
Dixon turns to the camera.
Tracy: Ladies, please. I’d like to express my deepest apologies our team does not sign any of these horrible statements and we apologize deeply for any hurt or utter offense it may has caused, my partner..she’s insane and clearly has no self preservation or common sense..so let’s just go out there tonight for Winter Violence and put on the best damn match we can and show the SRW Fans just what two really great teams can do--
Wendy: APOLOGIES? Grow a damn backbone Dixon, what are you, SWEDISH?!
Tracy: THAT’S IT TURN THAT GOODAMN CAMERA OFF!
With that we cut off violently.