New Year Raccoon Conspiracy (House & Dixon RP)
Jan 12, 2020 12:18:17 GMT -7
Melinda Rhodes likes this
Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 12:18:17 GMT -7
It was the last day of 2019 and the past holiday season was heavily in effect. Overdoses of eggnog and other seasonal nutrition such as candy had done their damage and it seemed like the world as we knew it was coming to an end (well for 2019 anyway).
“See mez, telling you that Christmas is a conspiracy, they give people all this food and gifts to fool us into believing life is good and nice, then BOOM!”
Wendy House was into one of her modes again. As usual this flew right over her best friend’s and tag partners head.
“..boom what?”
Tracy Dixon felt bloated enough lounging on a couch in a comfortable food coma.
“TAX RETURNS! Those are in right after, they want to take away everything good we get back..This whole nonsense about Baby Jesus’s birthday and good will amongst all is BULLCRAP!”
Dixon responds with a belch.
“Wendy, girl. You need Jesus..like now. It’s time to chill SRW is on a much deserved break as are we, can’t you tone down on the conspiracy nonsense for at least a little bit?”
This had next to no effect on House.
“LITTLE?! BITCH YOUS AINT BIGGER THAN ME, YOU JUST FAT!”
Tracy shook her head.
“Why did I even come here..”
“Because we’s friends besties even besides IF I’m so crazy why is it that SRW is on a break now when THEY KNOW that people like you will stuff themselves full of cholocate and tasty foodsies over the holidays and blow up like blimps..just in time for…”
“Tax..returns?”
“NO YOU DUMMY! OUR RETURN MATCH! IT’S A SETUP! THEY ARE GOING TO SEND US ON A LOSING STREAK AS A TEAM!”
Dixon chuckles.
“..jokes on them, we haven’t won a damn match yet.”
“THAT’S THE POINT THEY ARE MAKING US LOSERS BEFORE WE EVEN GET A CHANCE TO WIN THIS IS SOME ILLUMINATI LEVEL BEVER JIZZ, ALL OF THIS! IS RANCID LIKE COTTAGE CHEESE MELTING ON A ANGRY OLD MAN’S BOLD HEAD THAT SEAGULLS DIVE IN TO SNATCH AND--”
“ENOUGH! I’m gonna be sick Wendy, stop it!”
“Good, throw up some of that food, you’ll be more nimble!”
House giggles.
“I;ma get a beer, you wants one?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be like... eight? You shouldn’t be drinking beer.”
“Me’s got a fake ID, check it out!”
House pulls out her passport and shows it to Tracy, who snatches it.
“Wait... this says you’re 35...”
Tracy blinks.
“THIS ISN’T FAKE AT ALL! You’re ACTUALLY 35!!!”
House looks shocked.
“No! It’s fake!”
“It’s an official Canadian passport! You’re an old woman! And... wait... your name is Kara?!”
“........Give me dat back!”
“Kara Louise Harrington... aged 35... wow I feel like I barely even know you.”
“IT’S A CONSPIWACY! Raccoons came and altered my data and...”
“Kara?”
“........”
“It’s not a conspiracy is it?”
“.......”
“Well?”
“.........fine. Me’s acshully eight. Kawa is thirty-five. I’m just a supernatuwal being that inhabits her body, per the machinations of Lord Silky and Queen Razor.”
“..........what?”
“You’s ever met Lord Silky? He has a top hat and a monocle.”
“......”
“He’s also a giant wabbit.”
“...I’ve never been so sure that SRW needs to start random drug tests and start from you!”
“They should test Lord Silky too, he has a serious salad pwoblem.”
“..I Salad’s not a controlled or illegal substance..wait, I don’t know what I’m trying to make sense of here. All this stuff is going on..maybe I got drunk off that eggnog..or maybe this is just a dream maybe it’s all just a..YEOW! What the fuck House?!”
That scream was a result of House grabbing her partner to a tight pinch.
“Me’s pinching you to see if you’s awake.”
“That’s not how it’s supposed to work..wait, why am I trying to talk sense to you. You with your huge white rabbits, queens and salads..a kid who lives in a grown ass woman’s body and has her identity stolen by garbage pandas..”
“RACCOONS THEY ARE VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT THEIR LOWER INCOME STATUS! THEY GOTTA EAT TOO YOU KNOW, BECAUSE FATTIES LIKE YOU GARGLE ALL THE GOOD FOOD!”
“..hold up, those critters supposedly hacked your identity yet you are protecting them against me?”
“They be real cute..”
“Right..well be that as it may. You are making no sense of any of this gibberish and I am going to act like this was all a bad dream, once 2020 starts we’ll start a new year in Southern Rebel Wrestling and you know what Kara,Wendy,Eloise,WhoeverTheFuck you wanna be Alice in dumpsterland..we are going to make it, we are going to show them that there shall be no messing with..”
“THE HOUSE OF DIX!”
“..I still think we need a better name..”
“Yeah? I still think you could lose some weight but hey what are you gonna do? Want a beer fattie?”
“OH SWEET BABY JESUS YES!”
“See mez, telling you that Christmas is a conspiracy, they give people all this food and gifts to fool us into believing life is good and nice, then BOOM!”
Wendy House was into one of her modes again. As usual this flew right over her best friend’s and tag partners head.
“..boom what?”
Tracy Dixon felt bloated enough lounging on a couch in a comfortable food coma.
“TAX RETURNS! Those are in right after, they want to take away everything good we get back..This whole nonsense about Baby Jesus’s birthday and good will amongst all is BULLCRAP!”
Dixon responds with a belch.
“Wendy, girl. You need Jesus..like now. It’s time to chill SRW is on a much deserved break as are we, can’t you tone down on the conspiracy nonsense for at least a little bit?”
This had next to no effect on House.
“LITTLE?! BITCH YOUS AINT BIGGER THAN ME, YOU JUST FAT!”
Tracy shook her head.
“Why did I even come here..”
“Because we’s friends besties even besides IF I’m so crazy why is it that SRW is on a break now when THEY KNOW that people like you will stuff themselves full of cholocate and tasty foodsies over the holidays and blow up like blimps..just in time for…”
“Tax..returns?”
“NO YOU DUMMY! OUR RETURN MATCH! IT’S A SETUP! THEY ARE GOING TO SEND US ON A LOSING STREAK AS A TEAM!”
Dixon chuckles.
“..jokes on them, we haven’t won a damn match yet.”
“THAT’S THE POINT THEY ARE MAKING US LOSERS BEFORE WE EVEN GET A CHANCE TO WIN THIS IS SOME ILLUMINATI LEVEL BEVER JIZZ, ALL OF THIS! IS RANCID LIKE COTTAGE CHEESE MELTING ON A ANGRY OLD MAN’S BOLD HEAD THAT SEAGULLS DIVE IN TO SNATCH AND--”
“ENOUGH! I’m gonna be sick Wendy, stop it!”
“Good, throw up some of that food, you’ll be more nimble!”
House giggles.
“I;ma get a beer, you wants one?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be like... eight? You shouldn’t be drinking beer.”
“Me’s got a fake ID, check it out!”
House pulls out her passport and shows it to Tracy, who snatches it.
“Wait... this says you’re 35...”
Tracy blinks.
“THIS ISN’T FAKE AT ALL! You’re ACTUALLY 35!!!”
House looks shocked.
“No! It’s fake!”
“It’s an official Canadian passport! You’re an old woman! And... wait... your name is Kara?!”
“........Give me dat back!”
“Kara Louise Harrington... aged 35... wow I feel like I barely even know you.”
“IT’S A CONSPIWACY! Raccoons came and altered my data and...”
“Kara?”
“........”
“It’s not a conspiracy is it?”
“.......”
“Well?”
“.........fine. Me’s acshully eight. Kawa is thirty-five. I’m just a supernatuwal being that inhabits her body, per the machinations of Lord Silky and Queen Razor.”
“..........what?”
“You’s ever met Lord Silky? He has a top hat and a monocle.”
“......”
“He’s also a giant wabbit.”
“...I’ve never been so sure that SRW needs to start random drug tests and start from you!”
“They should test Lord Silky too, he has a serious salad pwoblem.”
“..I Salad’s not a controlled or illegal substance..wait, I don’t know what I’m trying to make sense of here. All this stuff is going on..maybe I got drunk off that eggnog..or maybe this is just a dream maybe it’s all just a..YEOW! What the fuck House?!”
That scream was a result of House grabbing her partner to a tight pinch.
“Me’s pinching you to see if you’s awake.”
“That’s not how it’s supposed to work..wait, why am I trying to talk sense to you. You with your huge white rabbits, queens and salads..a kid who lives in a grown ass woman’s body and has her identity stolen by garbage pandas..”
“RACCOONS THEY ARE VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT THEIR LOWER INCOME STATUS! THEY GOTTA EAT TOO YOU KNOW, BECAUSE FATTIES LIKE YOU GARGLE ALL THE GOOD FOOD!”
“..hold up, those critters supposedly hacked your identity yet you are protecting them against me?”
“They be real cute..”
“Right..well be that as it may. You are making no sense of any of this gibberish and I am going to act like this was all a bad dream, once 2020 starts we’ll start a new year in Southern Rebel Wrestling and you know what Kara,Wendy,Eloise,WhoeverTheFuck you wanna be Alice in dumpsterland..we are going to make it, we are going to show them that there shall be no messing with..”
“THE HOUSE OF DIX!”
“..I still think we need a better name..”
“Yeah? I still think you could lose some weight but hey what are you gonna do? Want a beer fattie?”
“OH SWEET BABY JESUS YES!”