Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2020 8:14:01 GMT -7
“Comfortable”
(Off Camera)
We find ourselves in the trailer home of Wendy House, a few nights before SRW’s big PPV, Destination Unknown. House & Dixon are prepping for the match as anyone would, by eating popcorn, drinking sodas and watching movies. Because of course.
House: So I was wondering, about this championship match... are you feeling nervous about it? I mean... we’ve competed for the belts before technically, but that was a total clusterfuck. I’m not sure the stipulation really helps us either, I’d much sooner snap someone’s neck than climb a stupid ladder.
You, as a reader may be a little confused, as House is speaking in standard English. Which she never does. Well hold that thought, we’re going somewhere with this!
Crunching on some of that deliciously buttered up (and obviously popped) corn Tracy just watched the movie, frowning a bit before swallowing and turning to House.
Dixon: You think male stripppers can actually sing that good? I mean with pipes like that damn Magic Mike should have been on American Idol or some shit not just oiling himself up and rubbing all over screaming women.
She reaches for more popcorn as her friend just shrugs.
House: Career choices I guess, I mean for one taking off your clothes is a lot easier on the old vocal cords, besides I bet he makes more money rubbing up and down a pole than trying to impress the pretentious judges and all the elderly women watching at home.
Dixon: I guess but it still makes me wonder. I mean reality TV is where it’s at. Cheaper to do, easier to broadcast and fools of all sorts glue in to watch it whenever they can just to feel better about themselves.
House: Like you?
Dixon: Especially me! Look at me, my career is going precisely nowhere at break neck speed and all I got to show for it is a chance at the Southern Cross TAG team Championships.
House: ..again
Tracy rolls her eyes.
Dixon: Ugh, don’t remind me, girl. We gotta get these proverbial Swedish Monkeys off our backs and win those titles.
House: Offensive.
Dixon: Huh.
House: Can’t say that shit, it’s really impolite.
Dixon: Duh! I wasn’t singing their praises.
House: How about...Ikea monkeys?
Dixon: Isn’t that trademarked?
House: Probably, what are they gonna do, take my mobile home?
Dixon: They could.
House: I got a plan B though, I am smart.
Dixon: Yeah?
House: I’ll move in with you, we can be roommates!
Nodding along Tracy stops mid-chew.
Dixon: HEY!
Dixon: Wait a goddamn minute here!
She turns to look at House tilting her head.
Dixon: There’s something different about you..
She runs her finger in circles around House’s face.
Dixon: Have you done something with your hair?
House shakes her head.
House: Nope. I mean, you’re a great friend and easy on the eyes, but I’m not tarting myself up for our little movie nights. Hair’s blue and messy, as always
The former master detective from Kentucky ponders a moment before having a real Sherlock Holmes - moment.
Dixon: YOU SPEAK LIKE REGULAR FOLK?! WHAT THE SIDE DISH AND BACON RIBS IS THAT ABOUT?!
House: What do you mean?
Dixon: YOU! There’s no weird kiddie talk! YOU TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!
House: That’s not true, I...
House listens to herself, before slumping back on the sofa.
House: Ah shit.
Tracy’s eyes fire up and she grabs that mess of blue hair, yanking on it hard and shaking what looked like her tag partner’s head.
Dixon: YOU EVIL ALIEN BITCH! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FRIEND HOUSE?! ADMIT IT E.T OR YOU AIN’T EVER CALLING HOME AGAIN! HERE ME ALF?! THIS IS THE LAST KITTY CAT YOU WILL TRY TO EAT! NOBODY MESSES WITH WENDY HOUSE, NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH! I’LL KILL YOU!
House: Ow! DAT WEALLY FUCKIN’ HURTS! ME’S NOT HAD AN ALIEN IN ME’S HEAD FOR AT LEAST FOUR YEARS, LET ME’S GO!!!
The shock was imminent in the eyes of Tracy who let her friend go, trying to re-mess that mess of hair to what it was.
Dixon: Geez House, sorry about that. You were just acting all weird and shit, I was sure you got switched by some evil alien trying to take over SRW or something. I'm having a hard time getting ahead in the business as is and I doubt being stooge for an Alien overlord is a good career choice.
House: Maybe you’s should twy dat shit as a submission, me’s would have tapped out after five more seconds...
House grumbled.
House: Okay.... look. Fine. I don’t have a speech impediment. I... let’s just say, I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life, particularly as a child. I... I talk the way I do as a defense mechanism. It scares away people who might hurt me. They look at me as a crazy fucking child-lady and leave me the fuck alone. I mean... I am pretty crazy. But really, I just get scared around people. I didn’t even realize I was talking normally... I guess I just felt...
She reaches across, putting a hand on Tracy’s arm.
House: ....comfortable, around you.
Tracy eyes at the arm then Wendy and the arm.
Dixon: Look, ..House I like you and all and I KNOW we haven’t exactly been out on dates every night but I don’t think I swing that way..yet.
Wendy snarls and punches her friend right in the shoulder.
House: I wasn’t coming on to you, you jerk! I was trying to tell you what a great friend you’ve been..YOU HORNY ASSHOLE!
Realization rivals with relief in Tracy’s mind until pain sensation kicks in and she rubs on her shoulder.
Dixon: OW, that shit really hurt, you really punched me didn’t you? Like for real?
House: Be glad I wasn’t aiming for the head, I couldn’t have missed that size of a noggin’
Dixon: See, that kinda shit is hurtful and mean..like all your jabs at my weight.
She grabs a palmful of popcorn, stuffs her face and speaks up.
Dixon: I AM NOT JUST SOME ENDLESS SUPPLY OF FAT JOKES TO YOU WENDY!
House responds in kind, taking a pamful of popcorn and stuffing her mouth.
House: YEAH? WELL MAYBE I DO THAT JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS I CAN BANTER WITH YOU INSENSITIVE TWIT?!
Dixon: I.. I..
House puts palms to her face and starts to twitch. Her friend, not sure what to do wraps her arms around her and pulls Wendy in for a tight hug.
Wendy: I’m just so scared that this happened..I usually know when that shit changes, what the fuck’s happening to me?!
Tracy Shushes her up and pulls her in for a close bearhug.
Dixon: It’s all going to be okay, no one will know about it, we are gonna go into this pay per view and you get to take out your frustrations on all these unsuspecting bitches and we’ll have a great time doing it too..now, wanna watch some silly white boy strippers live happily ever after in bimbo land with women that look like twigs.
Wendy sniffles.
House: Yes please..
Tracy hands her the popcorn and House grabs some crunching on them.
House: You need a shower..
Dixon: I WHAT?! I can’t help if I’m so full of love and compassion that it glows off me like a damn sun itself. Besides the AC in this place is trash..damn southern heat.
Wendy pokes her friend at the side when she notices something.
House: So what I spy dripping down from your eyes and running down your cheeks is..
Tracy sniffles.
Dixon: Yeah, sweat. Totally.
(Off Camera)
We find ourselves in the trailer home of Wendy House, a few nights before SRW’s big PPV, Destination Unknown. House & Dixon are prepping for the match as anyone would, by eating popcorn, drinking sodas and watching movies. Because of course.
House: So I was wondering, about this championship match... are you feeling nervous about it? I mean... we’ve competed for the belts before technically, but that was a total clusterfuck. I’m not sure the stipulation really helps us either, I’d much sooner snap someone’s neck than climb a stupid ladder.
You, as a reader may be a little confused, as House is speaking in standard English. Which she never does. Well hold that thought, we’re going somewhere with this!
Crunching on some of that deliciously buttered up (and obviously popped) corn Tracy just watched the movie, frowning a bit before swallowing and turning to House.
Dixon: You think male stripppers can actually sing that good? I mean with pipes like that damn Magic Mike should have been on American Idol or some shit not just oiling himself up and rubbing all over screaming women.
She reaches for more popcorn as her friend just shrugs.
House: Career choices I guess, I mean for one taking off your clothes is a lot easier on the old vocal cords, besides I bet he makes more money rubbing up and down a pole than trying to impress the pretentious judges and all the elderly women watching at home.
Dixon: I guess but it still makes me wonder. I mean reality TV is where it’s at. Cheaper to do, easier to broadcast and fools of all sorts glue in to watch it whenever they can just to feel better about themselves.
House: Like you?
Dixon: Especially me! Look at me, my career is going precisely nowhere at break neck speed and all I got to show for it is a chance at the Southern Cross TAG team Championships.
House: ..again
Tracy rolls her eyes.
Dixon: Ugh, don’t remind me, girl. We gotta get these proverbial Swedish Monkeys off our backs and win those titles.
House: Offensive.
Dixon: Huh.
House: Can’t say that shit, it’s really impolite.
Dixon: Duh! I wasn’t singing their praises.
House: How about...Ikea monkeys?
Dixon: Isn’t that trademarked?
House: Probably, what are they gonna do, take my mobile home?
Dixon: They could.
House: I got a plan B though, I am smart.
Dixon: Yeah?
House: I’ll move in with you, we can be roommates!
Nodding along Tracy stops mid-chew.
Dixon: HEY!
Dixon: Wait a goddamn minute here!
She turns to look at House tilting her head.
Dixon: There’s something different about you..
She runs her finger in circles around House’s face.
Dixon: Have you done something with your hair?
House shakes her head.
House: Nope. I mean, you’re a great friend and easy on the eyes, but I’m not tarting myself up for our little movie nights. Hair’s blue and messy, as always
The former master detective from Kentucky ponders a moment before having a real Sherlock Holmes - moment.
Dixon: YOU SPEAK LIKE REGULAR FOLK?! WHAT THE SIDE DISH AND BACON RIBS IS THAT ABOUT?!
House: What do you mean?
Dixon: YOU! There’s no weird kiddie talk! YOU TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!
House: That’s not true, I...
House listens to herself, before slumping back on the sofa.
House: Ah shit.
Tracy’s eyes fire up and she grabs that mess of blue hair, yanking on it hard and shaking what looked like her tag partner’s head.
Dixon: YOU EVIL ALIEN BITCH! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FRIEND HOUSE?! ADMIT IT E.T OR YOU AIN’T EVER CALLING HOME AGAIN! HERE ME ALF?! THIS IS THE LAST KITTY CAT YOU WILL TRY TO EAT! NOBODY MESSES WITH WENDY HOUSE, NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH! I’LL KILL YOU!
House: Ow! DAT WEALLY FUCKIN’ HURTS! ME’S NOT HAD AN ALIEN IN ME’S HEAD FOR AT LEAST FOUR YEARS, LET ME’S GO!!!
The shock was imminent in the eyes of Tracy who let her friend go, trying to re-mess that mess of hair to what it was.
Dixon: Geez House, sorry about that. You were just acting all weird and shit, I was sure you got switched by some evil alien trying to take over SRW or something. I'm having a hard time getting ahead in the business as is and I doubt being stooge for an Alien overlord is a good career choice.
House: Maybe you’s should twy dat shit as a submission, me’s would have tapped out after five more seconds...
House grumbled.
House: Okay.... look. Fine. I don’t have a speech impediment. I... let’s just say, I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life, particularly as a child. I... I talk the way I do as a defense mechanism. It scares away people who might hurt me. They look at me as a crazy fucking child-lady and leave me the fuck alone. I mean... I am pretty crazy. But really, I just get scared around people. I didn’t even realize I was talking normally... I guess I just felt...
She reaches across, putting a hand on Tracy’s arm.
House: ....comfortable, around you.
Tracy eyes at the arm then Wendy and the arm.
Dixon: Look, ..House I like you and all and I KNOW we haven’t exactly been out on dates every night but I don’t think I swing that way..yet.
Wendy snarls and punches her friend right in the shoulder.
House: I wasn’t coming on to you, you jerk! I was trying to tell you what a great friend you’ve been..YOU HORNY ASSHOLE!
Realization rivals with relief in Tracy’s mind until pain sensation kicks in and she rubs on her shoulder.
Dixon: OW, that shit really hurt, you really punched me didn’t you? Like for real?
House: Be glad I wasn’t aiming for the head, I couldn’t have missed that size of a noggin’
Dixon: See, that kinda shit is hurtful and mean..like all your jabs at my weight.
She grabs a palmful of popcorn, stuffs her face and speaks up.
Dixon: I AM NOT JUST SOME ENDLESS SUPPLY OF FAT JOKES TO YOU WENDY!
House responds in kind, taking a pamful of popcorn and stuffing her mouth.
House: YEAH? WELL MAYBE I DO THAT JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS I CAN BANTER WITH YOU INSENSITIVE TWIT?!
Dixon: I.. I..
House puts palms to her face and starts to twitch. Her friend, not sure what to do wraps her arms around her and pulls Wendy in for a tight hug.
Wendy: I’m just so scared that this happened..I usually know when that shit changes, what the fuck’s happening to me?!
Tracy Shushes her up and pulls her in for a close bearhug.
Dixon: It’s all going to be okay, no one will know about it, we are gonna go into this pay per view and you get to take out your frustrations on all these unsuspecting bitches and we’ll have a great time doing it too..now, wanna watch some silly white boy strippers live happily ever after in bimbo land with women that look like twigs.
Wendy sniffles.
House: Yes please..
Tracy hands her the popcorn and House grabs some crunching on them.
House: You need a shower..
Dixon: I WHAT?! I can’t help if I’m so full of love and compassion that it glows off me like a damn sun itself. Besides the AC in this place is trash..damn southern heat.
Wendy pokes her friend at the side when she notices something.
House: So what I spy dripping down from your eyes and running down your cheeks is..
Tracy sniffles.
Dixon: Yeah, sweat. Totally.