Post by Melinda Rhodes on Jan 1, 2019 17:47:03 GMT -7
SAM'S TOWN CASINO
Sunrise Manner, Nevada
JANUARY 1ST 2019
Spazz: SUP FUCKERS!!!
Koss: Tonight we have a great show lined up for you! Expect surprises and the unexpected in our little slice of the Galactic Wrestling Empire!
Spazz: Follow us on twitter and youtube or else we'll send Darth Vader to blow your fucking planet up!
Koss: Dude, everybody that watches is on this planet! We'd only be blowing our planet up.
Spazz: How do you know everybody here is human? M.I.B. is real lunchbox!
Koss: Right and next you'll tell me anybody can use the force too.
Spazz: That random kid at the end of The Last Jedi did!
Koss: We don't speak about that movie. Ever. Anyways our card lineup goes as follows, First match sees us with a double debut with Halo taking on River Chance.
Spazz: Masterchief gonna' whup up on a bitch!
Koss: No, a wrestler named Halo, not the franchise dude.
Spazz: Well that's false advertising motherfucker!
Koss: Settle down before I break out the tranquilizer and sedate you....
Spazz: Oooooo I wanna' be SEDATED!!! *headbangs*
Koss: Match two features Maja Lindstrom debuting against Vivacious Lynn, then a Zenna Zdunich-
Spazz: Suda what?
Koss: ZDUNICH!
Spazz: Zadu...Zadoo... The fuck with these Norwegian last names man!
Koss: Anyways Zenna Zdunich will face off against the leader of the Shieldmaidens herself, RJ Mitchell!
Spazz: BADASS BIKER BITCHES IN THE HIZ-OUSE!!!! Nyaaah!
Koss: and lastly, a 5 woman contest to decide the recently vacated Cosmic Championship, after a dispute between the owner of the company and the previous holder ended rather poorly to say the least.
Spazz: Egos and bitchfits broseph.
Koss: The contenders for the belt in our main event? Juliet Black, Christina Zdunich-
Spazz: -There's that name again!
Koss: Paula Shock, Bianca Davis, and lastly Ursula Von Rossbach.
Spazz: Sounds like a main event making up for a not so stacked card.
Koss: It's the first show ran by our new manager, Melinda "The Rebel" Rhodes, and I imagine her announcement coming up in just a moment will explain all of that.
Rebel: Captain's log, stardate...
She blanks for a moment, then looks off into the distance.
Rebel: ...What fucking day is this? Wait never mind...
Melinda tosses the mock recorder onto her desk nearby with a smirk.
Rebel: These are the continuing voyages of the Galactic wrestling show, Enterprise and we're on a mission to seek out and acquire strange new talent, to boldly put on shows that everyone will want to go!
She then hums the Star Trek Next Generation theme before chuckling a bit.
Rebel: Alright alright, enough fucking off. So to the fans, don't worry, I got your back. Whatever happens, I'll provide the best show I possibly can. As for my talent roster?
Leaning forward towards the camera, Melinda slips her shades atop her head, then rests her arms on her knees and clasps her hands together with.
Rebel: Ladies I'm your new GM, Melinda Rhodes and the basic rule of thumb is that on this show, my word is pretty much law. Do onto others as you want done to you and if you fuck somebody over, expect them to fuck you right back just as hard if not harder. I like to keep the ship ran tight, but the formality kind of loose. You can ask me things, make suggestions, and overall be cool and there'll be no problems. We already had to toss a couple bitches "out the airlock" before I formally took over because they wouldn't get with the fucking program and made demands they ought not be making to a bitch like me. No demands, no threats, no bullshit directed at me, savvy? Bitch don't play ultimatums well at all and I absolutely will not negotiate with terrorists.
She settles back in her Captain's chair, one leg crossed over the other, elbows placed back on the heavy arms as the leather crinkles against her back softly.
Rebel: So there's my state of address. Hope ya'll enjoy the show!
We immediately cut back to ringside where we find Jenny Beck waiting in the ring.
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Jenny Beck: NOW ARE YOU ALL READY TO KICK THIS NIGHT OFF WITH A BANG OR WHAT?!!! THE FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR EXACTLY ONE FALL! INTRODUCING FIRST TO THE RING FROM HOLLYWOOD HILLS, CALI-FORN-I-AAAAAYYYY!!!!
Life of Agony’s “Lost At 22” starts up and B-Brat walks out, smirking and twirling what looks like a long necklace as the crowd boos the second generation star. Halo follows behind her looking stoic and simply ready to go seemingly paying the boo birds no attention at all. B-Brat takes her sweet time getting to the ring making sure she milks all the attention she possibly can as she drinks everything in. She makes her way up the steps and slips through the ropes effortlessly, Halo following right behind her. They take the center of the ring and B-Brat walks up to the ropes, flashing hand signals to the crowd as Halo stands behind her, simply raising her right fist to the sky. B-Brat steps back and smacks Halo on the belly, pointing to her as Halo simply stands tall, ready for war.
Jenny Beck: SHE AIN'T NO MASTERCHIEF BUT SHE'LL BLOW YOUR PLANET UP! SHE'S HHHHHAAAAALLLLLOOOOOO!!!!
The Crowd gives a modest pop as Halo looks around, impassive, loosening up for the match to come.
Koss: What Halo lacks in polish she more than makes up for with a vicious streak and serious street smart tactics!
Spazz: You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but that bitch will fucking shank you and not feel even the slightest bit bad about it!
Koss: Having B-Brat at ringside certainly adds an edge as does training from multiple sources from B-Brat herself to a long time figure in the sport, Crystal Hilton-Zdunich who will be in the main event tonight!
Jenny Beck: AAAAND HER OPPONENT! A MICHIGANDER FROM ANN ARBOR!
River makes her way past the entrance curtain, she exudes confidence, as she practically glides towards the ring. Once at the bottom of the ramp, she enters the ring, and heads towards the center. Once at mid-ring, River takes a knee, attempting to steel her resolve for the battle to come.
Jenny Beck: THE SWEET TREAT THAT CAN'T BE BEAT AND IS GONNA' KNOCK YOU OUT YO SEAT!!!! RRRRRRIVERRRRR CCCCHHHHAAAANNNNCCCCEEE!!!
River nods her head and grins, raising her fist to the crowd for a bigger pop!
Koss: River Chance is the daughter of wrestling legend Geoffery "Slim" Chance, someone who was known for delighting fans everywhere he worked.
Spazz: He was like my second match in the biz. Fucked his shit up too! What I never got was how people were always cheering for the guy! He was an ugly fucking CHUD and couldn't win a match to save his life!
Koss: It's not always about looks or wrestling style. Ever heard the term lovable loser? America always roots for underdogs.
Spazz: Well at least his daughter is a winner in the genetics department! She looks good for a ripped chick!
Referee Kirk enters the ring as both River and Halo are already tossing verbal barbs before the match begins. She checks both participants over, then backs away and motions for the bell.
*DING DING DING*
Koss: And there's the bell and Halo comes in right off the bat with a hard cheap shot and backhand taking River by surprise! Halo tries to lock River into a suplex! River Powers out HURLING Halo across the ring!
B-Brat outside the ring shouts out, "GET UP! DON'T TRY TO MATCH THAT BITCH'S MUSCLE!"
Spazz: B-Brat playing coach like a BAWS at ringside!
Koss: Halo on her feet, River rushing with a clothesline and Halo Cartwheels into an Enziguri kick, dropping River to one knee!
Spazz: Gotta' be quicker than that Big Slim!
Koss: River recovers fast and 2 MINUTES 2 MIDNIGHT! That clothesline finish by Halo had ALOT of force behind it!
Spazz: A river didn't run through that shit! Boom BOHM!
Koss: You read?
Spazz: Fuck yeah, Lunchbox. I read all kinds of shit you don't know about!
Koss: Halo setting up for a top rope dive but River's back on her feet! Halo goes airborn! CAUGHT BY RIVER AND POWERSLAM RIGHT ON THE CANVAS!
Spazz: oooooooo.... Das no Bueno! Bitch got her spine RATA-TAT-TATTLED LIKE A MOTHERFUCK!
Koss: And now River locking on a Rear Chinlock, keeping Halo grounded out!
Spazz: She's cranking that chin like it owes her money, Lunchbox!
Koss: River keeps the pressure on but Halo is fighting back, trying to get out of the hold!
Slowly Halo pushes up from the seated position with her legs quivering with effort as she reaches up to grip River's head. Then all at once, her legs seem to give out as she pulls River forward into a falling knee strike that breaks the hold! River snaps back to a full stand and stumbles back, hanging both arms in the ropes and looking a bit stunned!
Koss: IMPRESSIVE COUNTER INTO A STIFF KNEE!!
Spazz: Good thing too because she was about to pop Halo's head like a red squishy zit yo!
Koss: Gross visuals aside, Halo's back on her feet and both women are back to square one!
River shoves off the ropes, rubbing at her forehead as she approaches Halo. Her opponent adjusts her jaw, looking as if she were popping it back into place. Halo rushes in at River who moves in to scoop her up in a Spinebuster lift, but instead of delivering a body shattering finish, Halo slips up and over her with a tuck and roll landing behind her, going straight into the ropes and rebounding to catch River square in the face with a CLAYMORE KICK she calls....
Koss: RIVER WITH THE POMMEL ST-NO! HALO ESCAPES! Tuck and roll into the ropes, rebound, BLACK 13 CONNECTS! RIVER'S FLAT ON HER BACK!
Spazz: NOG NOG NICKY NICKY NOG NNNOOGGG!!!
Koss: What?
Spazz: SHE GOT KNOCKED DA' FUCK OUT IS WHAT!!!
Koss: AND HALO WITH A PIN!!!
ONE!!! TWO-KICKOUT!!!!
Koss: River powers up with a situp, shoving River right off! Halo back rolls and Comes right back with a 2ND BLACK 13! NO River rolls out of the way, but she can't capitalize, still feeling the effects of the first kick!
Halo hits the mat with a skid, but rolls to a kneel right behind River and immediately applies a seated Full Nelson hold!
Halo: GOTCHA! NOW TAP OR I START POPPING VERTEBRAE!!!
River: AAAAAHHH NNNOOO!!!!
Koss: River's in a bad way here! It's hard to escape a fully locked on Full Nelson hold from a seated position!
Spazz: Yeah if she was standing, she'd have some options but seated like that? Her big arms ain't helpin' one bit!
River moves left and right, pushing down as hard as she can with her muscular arms, but in that position, leverage is beyond limited, though one could see that Halo was having to apply a great deal of effort to keep her hands clasped tight behind River's neck. She grits her teeth, casting the crowd a look that came off as more psychotic than anything else due in large part to the strain she was exerting on her arms!
Koss: Maybe so, but Halo's not having an easy time keeping that hold locked in. She may have to let go before her grip breaks!
Spazz: Halo's got a look on her face that's metal as fuck, broseph!
Koss: Indeed!
Suddenly River shifts in her seat and draws her legs. In a display of leg strength, she starts to push against Halo, the two slowly rising up...
Koss: River's fighting back, using every muscle at her disposal to get to a position of leverage!
Spazz: Damn her thighs look like they'd crush a human skull no problem! Whoever goes down on her better wear a fucking helmet!
Koss: Oh grow up, Spazznuts!
Spazz: Nah, I'm a Toy's R Us kid for life fat FUCK SHE BROKE THE HOLD!!!
Koss: River just broke the Full Nelson and staggered Halo with a hard back headbutt! River rushes to the ropes, B-BRAT PULLS THE ROPES DOWN AND OUT GOES RIVER!!!
Referee Kirk immediately starts arguing with B-Brat who moves away quickly, forcing the Ref to turn her back as Halo rushes to the outside with a baseball slide! As River gets to her feet, she's caught by the arm and sent shoulder first right into the ring post with a hard thud! She goes to the floor crying out in pain and clutching her shoulder!
Koss: Halo takes full advantage of the distraction and runs River's shoulder right into the steel post!
Spazz: Might've just dislocated a bitch's shoulder right there!
Koss: And B-Brat keeping the referee distracted, Halo going under the ring... SHE'S GOT A CHAIR!!!
*FFFWWWHHHAAAACCCCKKKKKTTTT!!!*
The chair pulled from beneath the ring by Halo's hands found it's home right upside River's shoulder, further damaging it.
*FFFWWWWHHHAAAACCCKT!!*
Koss: AND A SECOND BLOW TO THE HEAD DROPS RIVER CHANCE!
She tosses the chair down towards the apron at the last second as Referee Kirk stops arguing with B-Brat to check on her wrestlers, shouting "HEY GET BACK IN THE RING, NOW!"
Spazz: Too little too late refarooni!
Koss: Halo rolling a stunned River Chance back in the ring and covering her up!
ONE!!!! TWO!!!! TTTTHHHRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Spazz: WHAT WHAT?!!!
Koss: River Chance showing heart and resilience, kicking out of that brutal chair shot from Halo and she's now venting her frustrations at the referee!
Halo slaps her hands three times at the Ref and shouts, "ONE TWO THREE!!! ONE TWO THREE!!! A VEGETABLE COULD DO A BETTER JOB THAN YOU!!!" Referee Kirk responds by giving her a middle finger.
Spazz: Nnnniiiiiiicccceee! I think I'm in love with Referee Kelly Kirk, Lunchbox!
Koss: I don't blame you, Referee Kirk ain't taking her shit one bit! RIVER CHANCE FROM BEHIND WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!
Spazz: BBBAAAOOOOOM BITCH!!!
River jumps up with a loud roar, flexing her arms only to grab her shoulder with a since and stumble slightly. Regaining her composure, she rushes for the ropes, rebounds and snaps off with a running leg drop across Halo's neck, holding her down for a pin!
Koss: River Chance coming back on fire with a legdrop and pin follow up!
ONE!!! TWO!!! TTTHHHRRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Koss: Kickout at two and a half, River gathers up Halo in a Gorilla Press, backing up into the ropes!
She backs up into the ropes, looking to toss Halo towards the center of the ring. As she steps forward, she suddenly trips as B-Brat reaches through and pulls one of her legs through the ropes! Halo lands with a crash on the canvas but River takes only a moment to dwell on what happened and immediately rolls out of the ring, going right after B-Brat who immediately backs away from the muscular woman with her hands raised and shaking her head.
Koss: B-Brat tripped up River Chance and now she may just pay for it!
Spazz: $20 bucks says bitch sues her for endangering a non-combatant at ringside.
Koss: I'll take that bet only if she lays hands on B-Brat.
B-Brat immediately runs away with River in hot pursuit, the two circling around the ring. B-Brat immediately slides into the ring with River in hot pursuit. The Referee immediately stops B-Brat and gets right in her face, arguing with her. Unnoticed, she tosses a pair of brass knucks underhanded to her side towards Halo.
Spazz: Oh did that bitch just do what I think she did!
Koss: That she did Spazz-O, and it doesn't look like Referee Kirk saw it, as they are face to face to face! I wonder if she notices who is behind her....
B-Brat backs away drawing the referee back as Halo takes the knucks and hides them under herself, locked around her fist. She backs right into River who lifts her high in the air over her head!
B-Brat: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN BITCH!!!!
River smiles and does just that turning and hurling her screaming right out of the ring!
Koss: B-Brat has been ejected physically and there's Referee Kirk demanding her ejection from ringside!
"GET OUT OF MY RING! YOU'RE BANNED FOR THE REST OF THIS MATCH," Kirk shouts, pointing to the back. B-Brat is helped by a ring attendant to the back whether she likes it or not!
Koss: LOOK OUT RIVER!!!
River immediately rushes towards a rising Halo only to get cracked in the face with a solid Brass knuckle shot that drops her to one knee, stunned. Halo tosses the knucks aside. All the Ref sees is a kneeling River without any explanation, Halo backing into the ropes and springing forward....
Spazz: Oooow FUCK!
Koss: Not like this!! COME ON!!! HALO WITH A BLACK 13! River's flat on her back and out cold, but Halo isn't stopping there! She's climbing to the top and signaling for the end!!!
Spazz: Ain't no coming back from that shit!
Koss: Halo going airborn and ELIJAH'S RISE CONNECTS!!!
On impact, Halo winces after hitting some of the hardest abdominal muscles she's collided with in awhile. She hooks both of River's legs and rolls her into a tight pin on her shoulders!
ONE!!!! TWO!!!! TTTTTTHHHHRRREEEEE!!!
*DING DING DING*
Jenny Beck: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH BY HOOK, CROOK, AND PINFALL IS HHHHHAAAAALLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!
*HEEL JEER!!!!*
Halo's theme hit's the P/A as she rises to her feet with a bit of a sway. She may have cheated, but this victory
Koss: It isn't pretty or right, but Halo wins her debut match by questionable means!
Spazz: Wins a win, fats. Just how it goes in this game. The ref didn't see it? I sure as fuck didn't do it yo!
Koss: Like Metallica once said, Sad but true, unfortunately.
We immediately cut to backstage where we find Ursula Von Rossbach dressed in her customary black business suit and wrap-around shades, her blond hair tied back in a loose ponytail. She walked with a purposeful stride towards the General Manager's office and without so much as knocking, entered the room. The camera's perspective immediately shifts to the Rebel in her Captain's chair, sorting paperwork. Visibly she stiffens, but quickly regains her composure as Ursula takes a seat before her desk.
UVR: Rhodes....
Rebel: ...Ursula.
Ursula removes her shades, calmly stuffing them into the breast pocket of her jacket with her black leather clad fingers.
UVR: Will this be a beneficial business relationship or shall I move myself to Thursday Discovery with Ms. Naught due to our past issues?
Melinda takes in deep breath and sets her papers down next to the modest laptop on the desk.
Rebel: It's ancient history and as far as I'm concerned, you've more than paid for the misdeeds of the past. How can I expect others to forgive me if I keep you on the hook for shit that happened, what, 6 or 7 years ago?
UVR: I distinctly remember you wanting to remove my head from shoulders after the incident with Ms. Kristiansen.
With a nod, the Rebel clasps her hands together on the desk.
Rebel: Yeah, but again, I think you paid for it. Look, you're in the main event tonight because I want to give you the chance nobody has ever given you in your entire career, Ursula. Despite what's happened between us, I look back and remember how you were constantly getting fucked over too. This is your chance to finally get some recognition because, for better or worse, honey you're a bad motherfucker and how you've conducted yourself in Galactic upon arrival is a stark contrast to the Ursula I knew.
UVR: One grows tired of being a pawn with no benefit. As the saying goes it is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven.... I grew tired of serving in Hell.
Ursula rises from her seat and places both hands on the table.
UVR: Know this, Melinda. If you contradict any statement made in this office to me and fuck me over as a result, your physical well being will be forfeit. This is not a threat, merely an agreement that does not require your acquiescence.
Melinda shoots her a sweet smile and rises, meeting the gaze of Ursula head on.
Rebel: As long as you know that if ever you do deliver on this agreement, I ain't afraid to finish what I started on your skull in 2012.
Ursula's expression grows even more stone like.
UVR: Then we are in agreement.
The big woman turns and exits the office, the Rebel falling back into her chair with an expulsion of all the air from her lungs.
Rebel: Goddamn it's never easy to stare that woman in the eye....
Cut back to ringside.
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Jenny Beck: YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S TAKE ANOTHER SHOTGLASS OF WRESTLING!!! OUR NEXT CONTEST IS JUST A GOOD OLD FASHION ASS KICKING MATCH AND IT'S SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! IIIIIINTRODUCING FIRST FROM THE AWESOME CITY OF NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA!!!!
The opening riff to Crucified Barbara’s “In The Red” starts and Maja Lindström makes her way through the curtain, almost bouncing in her giddiness. She hurries to the ring and climbs up on the apron, posing with both arms extended to the sky.
Jenny Beck: THE SWEDE WITH A CREOLE SOUL, MMMMMAAAAJJJAAAAAA LLLLLLINDDDDSSSTTTRRRRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖMMMMMMM!!!!
*HUGE FACE POP!*
Maja claps her hands together and begins pacing back and forth on the opposite side of the ring, watching the entrance arch the entire time!
Koss: A Hybrid wrestling mainstay, Maja Lindstrom is a heavy hitter who has already tangled with more than a few big names, from Linnéa Lacroix to even longtime greats such as the one and only Maki!
Spazz: Plus you know I get weak in the knees for Swedes as well as dirty girls from the Louisiana and to find someone who ticks both those boxes? Fuck yeah I'm in heaven!
Koss: She's well out of your league, Spazz-O.
Spazz: I've been slapped by many beautiful bitches, Lunchbox. She wouldn't be the first and certainly wouldn't be the last if I tried!
Jenny Beck: AND HER OPPONENT, A CCCRRRRRAAAAZZZAAAYYYY BITCH FROM DOUBLE NEW YORK!!
"Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry hit's the P/A as Vivacious Lynn steps out onto the stage. Lynn walks to the ring, flexing her strong muscles as she slides in the ring, wiping her boots.
Jenny Beck: VIVVVVVVVAAACCCIIIOOOOUUUUSSSS LLLLLLLLYYYYYNNNNNN!!!!
*HEEL JEER*
Crowd: YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Spazz: Their mothers taught her how!
Koss: Vivacious Lynn is a fierce competitor but never seems to be able to get it together. Most of the time that makes for a loveable loser, but despite her losses, she tends to be a bit of a bully towards everyone.
Spazz: Yeah but tonight could be her night and a win against a name like Lindstrom? Her stock would shot straight up to the top.
Koss: And there's Referee Kirk in the ring and motioning for the bell!
*DING DING DING*
Koss: Lynn bursts across the ring, but Maja just a hair quicker ducks the outstretched arm! Lynn turns and eats a dropkick straight to the chest, but doesn't go down! Maja is on her feet and hits her with chop after chop, but Lynn catchs her arm and pulls her in for a shortarm clothesline, but Maya ducks and heads for the ropes! Lynn turns leap frogs over a ducking Maja and starts off in the opposite direction! Both snap off the ropes at the same time, rebound, MAJA WITH A NICE HURRICANRANA TAKEDOWN!
Spazz: BOOM SAID THE SKULL TO THE CANVAS!
Koss: Indeed! Lynn gets right up and ANGEL'S DEMISE! LYNN IS DOWN AND OUT AND THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!!! TWO!!!! THHHRRRE-KICKOUT!
Spazz: Them cutter's be vicious yo!
Koss: Lynn rolling a shoulder up and shoving Maja off, but it's clear that Cutter has left her it's mark as she gets to her feet a little too quickly, stumbling around!
Spazz: And The Swede-Reole is setting up now....
Koss: Swede-Reole....?
Spazz: A Swedish Creole chick! Swede-Reole!
Koss: Lynn turns around and boot to the gut and standing headscissor by Maja! She's locking the arms, looking to finish this by Lynn back bridges with a reversal, dumping the Swede-Reole right on her head!
Spazz: Knew you'd catch on lunchbox!
Koss: Maja's back on her feet and Lynn now on the offensive, delivering clubbing blows to the back, just driving Maja to the canvas!
Spazz: Thick girls hit harder! Proven scientific fact!
Koss: She's locking on the Camel Clutch and this match just went from all Maja Lindstrom right into Vivacious Lynn's hands! Can Maja hope to break out of this venerable, yet still highly effective hold!
Spazz: Can she lift 200 pounds of bitch on her back? That's the question you should be asking, Joe-Bro.
Maja grits her teeth in pain, held tight and secure in an expertly applied Camel Clutch. Pain wracks her body and yet slowly but surely she shifts her legs and gets onto her knees.
Koss: Maja is shifting onto her knees....
Spazz: She ain't trying what I think she's trying is she?
With her face turning red from effort, she forces her arms free, slipping them underneath Vivacious Lynn's legs. Lynn tightens the chin lock, but doesn't realize what's happening until Maja wraps both arms around Lynn's thighs and then power lifts the big woman up, immediately falling back with an IMPROVISED ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP!!!
Spazz: WOAH FUCK SHE DID IT!!!
Koss: MAJA REVERSES THE HOLD AND DUMPS LYNN ON HER HEAD, but that may have taken every ounce of strength she had in reserve!
Spazz: This is why you don't piss off a fuckin' Swede yo! Swedish chicks will bounce your head like a dumb Jersey girl bounces a check book, only harder!
Both lay for a moment, with Lynn moving first, rolling onto her knees and clutching at the back of her head. Suddenly Maja kippups to her feet with a defiant, intense look in her almond colored eyes. She turns towards Vivacious Lynn and bellows, "COME ON, VIVI! TIME TO DIE!"
Spazz: Bitch be callin' her spot! Fuckin' love it!
Koss: And Lynn turns to face her at a full sprint, but Maja Lindstrom answers with a hop and a kick straight to the gut, doubling Lynn over! She straddles her head, making a double cutthroat gesture and IN THE RED! IN THE RED! VIVACIOUS LYNN IS OUT COLD!!!!
Upon Vivacious Lynn's forehead meeting the business end of a pedigree smash upon the canvas, Maja rolls her over and hooks the leg for a pin!
ONE!!! TWO!!!! TTTTTHHHHRREEEEE!!!
Referee Kirk motions for the bell!
*DING DING DING*
Jenny Beck: WWWWWHOOOOPPP!!! AND YOUR WINNER BY AN AVALANCHE TO THE HEAD AND A PINFALL, MMMMMAAAAJJJAAAAAA LLLLLLINDDDDSSSTTTRRRRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖMMMMMMM!!!!
*HUGE FACE FAVORITE POP!*
Maja Lindstrom stands over the downed Vivacious Lynn, fists raised in the air as her music plays to a greatful, cheering crowd!
Koss: Maja Lindstrom just made one hell of a statement here tonight!
Spazz: Yeah, but let's see how she does against some real competition, huh? She had that bitch's number from the moment the bell rang and the ref said "Motherfuckin' GO!"
Koss: That may be, but it's not like she beat on some precious little porcelain doll. Vivacious Lynn almost had her, but probably should've opted to do more damage before locking on a submission hold, even one as potent as the Camel Clutch.
Spazz: You got that right.
Koss: I'm surprised we didn't see the usual twitter banter that Vivacious Lynn is known for before every match.
Spazz: I wouldn't know, I was banned from Twitter for life within a week of it coming out.
Koss: You were banned from twitter for life?
Spazz: Yeah you know the guy who made twitter? Yeah I fucked that bitch off on here so bad that he fucking declared that Mike "Spazztastic" Spazz is to never be allowed a twitter account because he's too fucking awesome for the likes of twitter!
Koss: You called him a cunt and told him you'd fuck his wife, film it, and turn him into the ultimate cuckold.
Spazz: Yeah I fucking would and you know it! DID YOU SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S WIFE, LUNCHBOX?! She's so hot it'd be a crime not to let you have a piece of that at the same time!
Koss: ....pass....
Mike shows Joe a picture of Kate Greer on his phone. The Kossman gives a small nod.
Koss: Hmmm, not bad. ....Ok, Only if I go first.
Spazz: I don't want your sloppy seconds fat fuck!
Koss: Then yeah, original motion stands. You do know he's not married, right?
Spazz: Really? News to me! That means all I have to do is woo that bitch off her feet and he can't do shit outside of ban me from twitter, which he already has!
Koss: ....You're a one track mind kind of guy, Mikey.
Spazz: Damn straight, mofugga.
Koss: We'll be right back after a few words from our sponsors!
COMMERCIALS
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Jenny Beck: LET'S TAKE ANOTHER HIT OF THIS SHIT! YA'LL READY FOR MORE?! GIMME A HELL FUCKIN' YEAH!!!!
Crowd: HELL FUCKIN' YEAH!!!!!
Jenny Beck: THIS HERE MATCH FEATURES TWO CHICKS FROM NEW ORLEANS AND IS SCHEDULED FOR JUST ONE FALL! IIINTRODUCING FIRST...
The opening guitars of "Freeky People" by Kidneythieves hits the lights starts flashing red and purple as Zenna makes her way out to the ramp pulling the devils horns above her head. She smirks at the crowd before she runs down and slides into the ring and sits on her knees, savoring the sounds of appreciation from the crowd. She climbs up onto the top rope and pulls the horns in front of her face while her tongue hangs out and she yells like she's at a rock concert before she jumps off awaiting her opponent!
Jenny Beck: THIS HOT FREAK OF NATURE IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, ZZZZZEEEENNNNNAAAAA ZZZZZZDDDDUUUUUUNNNNNNNIIIIIICCCCCHHHH!!! Bet none of ya'll can say that right in the crowd!
*HUGE FACE POP!!!*
Koss: There are many dark tales in our sport, but few have turned out as well as Zenna Zdunich. She's battled through trauma, a near career ending injury, and serious addictions that nearly destroyed her.
Spazz: Those kind of stories are a dime a dozen in wrestling!
Koss: Yeah but each and every one of them is an inspiring story of triumph over adversity or a cautionary tale. Zenna made her choice to be the former rather than the latter and that is to be commended!
Spazz: That's why I'll always root for a hard-drinkin, weed-smokin, don't give a shit what you think, hardcore motherfucker. They ain't here to write a memoir, they're here to kick some ass!
Jenny Beck: AND HER OPPONENT!!!
The cameras return to the arena, as it goes completely black and all you hear over the PA system was, “Oh, yo, yo!” then a small pause. On the tron appears the words: “Hell is empty and the Maidens are here.” Then the lyrics start.
"There’s just so much Goddamn weight on my shoulders;
All I’m try’na do is live my mother fucking life.
Supposed to be happy but I’m only getting colder.
Wear a smile on my face but there’s a demon inside.”
This repeats once more. And as the drums start, the lights in the arena start flashing with the beat. At the :25 mark, the music stops for a few moments. The lights go black once more. And 5 seconds later, the music kicks up again and the lights come on.
“Oh, yo, yo. There’s a demon inside!
Oh, yo, yo. Just like Jekyll and Hyde!
Oh, yo, yo. There’s a demon inside!
Oh, yo, yo. Just like Jekyll and Hyde!”
On the stage stands RJ Mitchell, carrying a baseball bat, with Fianna Donnelly behind her. At the :50 mark there’s a few seconds pause then the music picks up again.
“There’s just so much goddamned weight on your shoulders;
That you can’t just live your mother fucking life.
The story’s getting old and my heart is getting colder.
I just wanna be Jekyll; but I’m always fighting Hyde.”
This is when RJ and Fianna start down the ramp toward the ring.
“You’ve got rocks in your head, I can hear them rollin’ ‘round.
You say that you’re above it, but you’re always fallin’ down.
Is there a method to your madness, is it all about pride?
Everyone I know, they’ve got a demon inside!”
As the last word was screamed out, Robi slides into the ring while Fianna moves to the side of the ring. Like a sultry dancer, RJ rises in the middle of the ring. And as she stands there posing, the music begins to slow.
“Oh, yo, yo. All I’m try’na do is live my mother fucking life.
Oh, yo, yo. Wear a smile on my face; but there’s a demon inside.
Oh, yo, yo. All I’m try’na do is live my mother fucking life.
Oh, yo, yo. Wear a smile on my face; BUT THERE’S A DEMON INSIDE!!”
Jenny Beck: THE HBIC OF THE SHIELDMAIDENS, RRRRRRRRJJJJJJJJJJJ MMMMMMMIIIITTTTCCCHHHHEEELLLL!!!
*HUGE RESPECT POP!*
Spazz: Now that's a a chick that both scares me and turns me on all at the same time!
Koss: That, my friend, is a woman who not only would skin you head to toe and feed your meet to a pack of dogs, but she has a husband that'd probably remove your spine if he heard you say one bad thing about her!
Spazz: You know some people need to chill the fuck out, lunchbox. It's always badass chicks with nightmare fuel husbands that'll gut you like a fucking fish. If she shivs me 'cause I say she has a nice ass and a great rack, then who is the weak one here? Think about that shit Kossman.
Koss: I just don't want you to end up dead in a back alley because good commentary is hard to find this day and age.
Spazz: Ain't that the fuckin' truth!
Referee Kirk moves in to check in on both women and after some convincing, RJ hands off her baseball bat to Fianna, who slips out of the ring to remain there with a watchful eye.
Koss: And with her Shieldmaiden sister at ringside, Fianna Donnely, there's a number of ways this night could end badly for Zenna Zdunich!
*DING DING DING*
Spazz: And there's that bell! LET THE BLEEDING COMMENCE!
Koss: Zenna and RJ lock up like two old friends, Zenna quickly getting pulled into a sideheadlock but escaping and rolling across RJ's back and STIFF forearm shot to the RJ's face! Zenna off to the ropes and coming back with a baseball slide between RJ's legs, gets right to her feet and solid dropkick to the back sends RJ stumbling forward!
RJ doesn't turn around and instead backflips in perfect timing with Zenna getting back to her feet, pegging her right in the collar bone with a Pele Kick she calls...
Koss: FREYJA'S KISS Catching Zenna off guard completely!
Spazz: Now that's how you make a baws ass comeback yo!
Koss: Both women back on their feet, Zenna clearly favoring that shoulder and RJ with a standing front kick and she's caught! ENZIGURI COUNTER! ZENNA DUCKS!
And it's like RJ read her mind. Her foot lands on the canvas only to spring up as RJ flips forward, snapping the Adrenaline junky's head back and forcing her to let go of the foot. RJ tucks and rolls away, running straight for the ropes!
Koss: Serious Veteran chops on display here! Zenna drops down, a high crossbody block, but RJ tucks and rolls on the landing going for the ropes. Rebound, Zenna leap frogs over her and RJ keeps going, snap off the ropes and Zenna backflips over RJ effortlessly without even looking over her shoulder! RJ stops and turns right into a sharp spinning kick to the chest that's followed up by a standing Enziguri kick that drops her flat on her back!
Spazz: SMACKALACKALACK!!! Ninja bitches up in here!
Koss: Double Z isn't stopping either, springboard Z-SAULT FOR THE PIN!!!
ONE!!!! TWO-KICKOUT!!!
Spazz: Badass Biker Bitches ain't goin' down pretty like that!
Koss: Kickout and both women roll apart, RJ clearly feeling those last few hits but putting up a tough face as Zenna just smiles like an imp!
Spazz: Don't get cocky now girlfriend!
Koss: The two move in with such quickness, dodging and weaving through each other's kicks and strikes with ease! They are evenly matched in terms of speed as they got through this dance of death together! Zenna going for some slice bread but RJ counters! Inverted facelock and OH MY INVERTED MAIDEN'S MERCY DDT!!!
The Tornado Reverse DDT hits with a devastating impact on the canvas that leaves RJ in a position now to make the pin!
Spazz: Momma' soul crusher with the pin yo!
ONE!!! TWO!!!! TTTTHHHRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Koss: This has already been a frenetic, fast paced match with both competitors going full steam ahead and while it hasn't felt long, they've done alot of damage to each other in a short amount of time!
Spazz: Yeah that's how speed queens go! They just go bombastic!
Koss: RJ Mitchell now climbs to the top rope, gauging the distance! Zenna's on her feet! RJ goes airborn BIFROST NO! ZENNA COUNTERS INTO A POWERBOMB AND JACKNIFE PIN!!!
ONE!!! TWO!!! TTTHHHRRR-KICKOUT!
Koss: Both women explode out of that kickout and RJ just unloads with a savage right hand that drops Zdunich flat on her back!
Spazz: Woah fuck what a right hand!!
Koss: RJ Mitchell runs for the nearest turnbuckle, leaps off and GUNGNIR FOOT STOMP!
Spazz: Now that's a stomach pump from hell!!!
Koss: And the Matron of the Shieldmaidens hooks both legs for a quick pin!
ONE!!! TWO!!! THHHRRRRE-KICKOUT!
Spazz: Two and a half? Bitch gonna need a shotgun at this rate!
Koss: And RJ has Zenna by the scruff of her neck and just hurls her into the nearest corner! There she slows down the pace by peppering a still stunned Zenna with body shot after bodyshot, working her over like a punching bag!
Spazz: Punching bag hell, she working that bitch like she owes her a cool buck fifty with interest yo!
And the hits keep coming, Zenna thrashing with each devastating punch with her ribs being a primary target. A backfist across the face drops her down to a seat and RJ backs up, holding her hands up with fingers pointing up and thumbs pressed together as if gauging her target.
Spazz: She's lining up for a sick shot!
Koss: RJ Mitchell backing up and blasting forward with a running low orbit dropkick right into Zenna Zdunich's chest!
Spazz: Two feets right in the fucking teats yo!
Koss: RJ maintaining control, pulls Zenna out of the corner and straight into a reverse STO and a pin!
ONE!!!! TWO!!! TH-KICKOUT!!!
Spazz: Zenna's tough as a motherfuck!
Koss: She's hanging by a thread but now RJ Mitchell is just picking her apart now! She's stomping on each and every part of Zenna now! Legs, arms, face, chest, stomach!
She finishes her more vicious take on the Garvin Stomp with a jump and a rolling knee drop across Zenna's belly. Zenna rolls over, clutching at her guts while kicking her leg out in pain!
Spazz: The Good ol' Garvin stomp! I've used it a few times, but RJ added a big hint of vicious on that shit!
RJ gathers up Zenna by her hair this time and yells in her face, "YOU THINK YOU CAN HANG WITH ME, LITTLE BITCH?!" and promptly hurls her through the ropes to the outside of the ring! Referee Kirk promptly gets in RJ's face, admonishing her before suddenly getting shoved back by Mitchell!
Koss: Uh oh! Things are getting heated between Mitchell and Referee Kirk!
Spazz: Look out Ref, I hear them Maidens don't give two fucks about the safety of officials!
The Referee points at her ref badge and warns, "TOUCH ME A GAIN AND YOU'LL BE DISQUALIFIED!" RJ Mitchell just laughs with a dangerous glint in her eye, backing the ref up a bit with pure menace. Just as it seems she's going to rock her off her feet, she suddenly bolts in the opposite direction to fly through the ropes with a suicide dive, rocking a slow rising Zenna Zdunich right off her feet and sending both women to the floor!
Koss: SUICIDE DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE!!
Spazz: I thought for sure we were going to see a Ref get murdered tonight!
Koss: RJ Mitchell just keeping up the pressure on impact, pummeling Zenna with vicious right hands on the floor!
RJ screams out through the punches, "YOU LIKE GETTING FIST FUCKED IN THE FACE?!"
Spazz: OM-FUCKIN-G.... I think I'm in love for the second time tonight!
Koss: RJ Mitchell relentless and ruthless, battering that pretty face as much as humanely possible!
She suddenly stops and hops to her feet, growling through a vicious grin on her face. RJ then gathers Zenna up and hurls her towards the Spanish Announce table!
Spazz: I think that Spanish Announce table is about to get CRUNCHED yo!
Koss: RJ goes to slam Zenna's head into the table but is blocked with an elbow check and Zenna slams her face into a monitor! RJ's stunned! Here comes Fianna Donnelly with the baseball bat but the Referee is on her!
Referee Kirk shouts down at Fianna, "LAY ONE FINGER ON HER AND YOUR PARTNER IS DISQUALIFIED!" This haults Fianna who backs away.
Koss: If looks could kill, I think Kelly Kirk would be dead right now! Zenna now setting RJ up on the table and now rushing back into the ring and rolls back out to reset the count! Now Zenna is on the apron and climbing the top rope...
Spazz: Don't take too long!
Koss: Zenna goes airborn with a 450! NOBODY HOME! RJ MITCHELL ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!
Zenna's eyes widen with shock and dismay at the last second as she completes a perfect 450 spin, only to crash through the Spanish Announce table in an explosion of wood and splinters, RJ Mitchell having deftly moved out of the way at the last second!
Spazz: Crash...and... BURN! Bitch'll be pickin' splinters out dat cute little ass for days, Lunchbox!
Koss: They call it the High Rent district for a reason! RJ pulls Zenna out of the wreckage unceremoniously by her leg, lifts her up and tosses her back into the ring!
Spazz: But Ms. Zud...Zood...Zid... How the fuck you say her last name?
Koss: Zdunich and yes she's still alive but fighting hard just to get on her hands and knees! RJ Mitchell is in the ring now and she STOMPS on Zenna's hand!
Spazz: Ow, FUCK!
Koss: RJ Mitchell could've broken Zenna Zdunich's left hand!
Spazz: Stop me if I'm wrong but didn't these two just have a party last night for new years?
Koss: You know, you're right and if this is what RJ does to friends, I weep for her enemies!
RJ shouts down at Zenna, "GET THE FUCK UP!" and gathers her to her feet the front of her shirt and suddenly Zenna headbutts her by surprise.
Koss: WOAH! Zenna still has fight left in her! RJ stunned, Zenna goes for THE FATAL KISS, REVERSED INTO A VICTORY ROLL UP, NO ZENNA COUNTERS THE ROLL UP INTO A GERMAN SUPLEX PIN!!!
ONE!!! TWO!!! TTTTHHHRREEEE!!!
RJ Mitchell kicks out but it's too little too late!
*DING DING DING*
*MASSIVE UPSET WIN POP!!!*
Spazz: HOLY FUCKING BALLS!!!
Jenny Beck: PULLING A VICTORY STRAIGHT OUTTA' HER ASS, ZZZZZEEENNNNAAAAA ZZZZDDDUUUUUNNNNNIIIICCCCCHHHHH!!!!!
RJ remains on her knees, staring in stunned silence. Fianna outside the ring enters it quickly to check on her. Meanwhile Zenna clutches at her hand, wincing in pain.
Koss: Upset of the night, but I think Double Z's hand may be actually injured!
Spazz: Dude, RJ looks PPPPIIIISSSSED! Zenna might wanna' do a little less hurting and a little more running, yo!
Koss: RJ Mitchell is on her feet and STIFF ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO ZENNA, KNOCKING HER FLAT ON HER BACK! Referee Kirk is quick to put herself in harms way, moving between Zenna and RJ, while calling for Security! Zenna is out cold!
*HUGE HEEL JEER*
Crowd: BOOOO!!!! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!!!
Spazz: Fianna's looking to take Kirk's out with the bat!
RJ Mitchell: *shouting* NEXT TIME! I TAKE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF, YOU LUCKY CUNT!!!
Koss: Zenna Zdunich won the match but RJ Mitchell just made a statement tonight! I'd say it's safe to assume a friendship just ended tonight!
Spazz: Wrestling man, it brings out the worst in all of us!
Koss: Indeed it does!
Fi and RJ leave the ring just as security arrives to keep the peace. One security guard checks on Zenna who is only now beginning to stir from the hard kick. The Ref helps her up and quickly assists her to the back. Along the way, Zenna raises a defiant fist along the way.
Zenna Zdunich: I STILL WON BITCH!!!!
*HUGE FACE POP!*
Koss: That folks is the definition of heart right there!
Spazz: And now it's Commercial time!
COMMERCIALS
-MAIN EVENT-
5 WOMAN BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE COSMIC CHAMPIONSHIP!
JULIET BLACK VS CRYSTAL ZDUNICH VS PAULA SHOCK VS BIANCA DAVIS VS URSULA VON ROSSBACH
5 WOMAN BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE COSMIC CHAMPIONSHIP!
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Jenny Beck: HERE'S THE MOMENT YOU'VE AAAAALLLLL BEEN WAITING FOR!!! FIVE WOMEN ENTER! ALL BUT ONE LEAVES IN THIS OVER THE TOP ELIMINATION BATTLE ROYAL MATCH!!! IIIIINNNTTTRODUCING FIRST THE MECHA OF ALL THINGS IRISH, DUBLIN, IRELAND....
With AFI blasting over the speakers, Juliet swaggers down the ramp with the lower half of her face covered in a skull jaw bandana, trash talking anyone who looks at her wrong. She’s no nonsense in her approach except for the constant shit talking. She enters the ring with little fan fair, throwing a fist into the air as Jenny tells the world her name!
Jenny Beck: ...THE SKULL FUCKER ELITE! JJJJJUUUUUULLLLLIIIIIEEEETTTT BBBBBBBLLLLLLAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK!!!
*CROWD POP!*
Koss: This woman is known for two things, a mile long mean streak and-
Spazz: -SKULL FUCKING! Seriously man, that Curb stomp she does is a work of fucking ART!
Koss: I was going to say Clinch wins out of nowhere, but yes, we'll make it three things! Black could take this match by sheer viciousness alone!
Jenny Beck: OUR NEXT CHALLENGER HAILS FROM THE CITY OF LOST ANGELS, LA, CALIFORNIA...
Meganerd by YTcracker begins to blast all across the speakers as it does so Christina Rose makes her way from the back curtain with a huge grin on her face. Christina smiles as she blows kisses to the crowd as she makes her way down to the ring. She slaps the outstretched hands of all of the roaring fans. She quickly slides into the ring and kips up to her feet as she waves her hands in the air getting the crowd behind her. She jumps around a bit as she tosses her eye glasses to the side. A ring attendant, johnny on the spot, catches the glasses outside the ring and takes them right to the time keeper's table.
Jenny Beck: THE BLOSSOMING ONE, CCCCCHHHRRIIISSTTTIINNNAAA ZZZZZZDDDDDUUUUNNNNIIIICCCHHH!!!
*HUGE FACE POP!*
Spazz: How many Zdunich's we got in this building anyways?
Koss: It would seem so. Crystal has a long and storied history in this sport. She may call herself Blossoming, but to be straight? She's a cornerstone of the industry and is an odds on favorite to win this match.
Jenny Beck: NEXT UP ON THE DOCKET, FROM THE WINDY CITY OF CHICAGO, ILL-O-NNNOOOISE!!!
"Loser" by Beck (not Jenny) hits the P/A as out steps Paula Shock, optimistic for the first time in her career. This is her chance, her moment to shine! She RUNS down the aisle to ringside with a mixture of both happiness and pure fear written on her face! The crowd eagerly gets behind her, hoping to see her win the big one!
Crowd: PAULA! PAULA! PAULA! PAULA!
Jenny Beck: Ya'll doin' my job for me here? SHE MAY THINK SHE'S A LOSER, BUT A REAL LOSER DOESN'T EVEN TRY!!! HERE IS PPPPAAAAUUUULLLLAAAA SSSSHHHHHOOOOCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
*HUGE UNDERDOG POP!*
Koss: Another case of a loveable loser in Paula Shock! The deck is stacked mighty high for this young lady!
Spazz: Pfft, she'll get eliminated in under a minute, you watch!
Koss: Ye of little faith, Spazz-O!
Spazz: Call me a fuck-mothering realist yo!
Jenny Beck: NÚMERO DE PARICIPANTE CUATRO!!!! THE BEACH BARBIE FROM MALIBU, CALI-FORN-I-AAAAYYYY!!!!
Something New by Girls Aloud hits over the public address system, as the fans begin to boo loudly as the lights dim and a lone spotlight hits over the entrance way. As out from the back walking while doing her trademark beauty pagent wave is none other than The Queen B herself. She stops and poses arrogantly at the top of the ramp as the spotlight follows her down she keeps up her wave but staying far in the center to avoid the fans hands. As she then begins to point and giggle at them. She keeps up her supermodel-like strut down to the ring returning to giving the pageant wave as she then climbs up the stairs and puts her hands on her hips ordering the ref to lower
the rope for her. As she enters under the bottom rope she poses arrogantly in the center of the ring before giving off her wave as she soaks in the boos.
Jenny Beck: HERE IS BBBBBIIIIIAAANNNNNCCCCCAAAA DDDDAAAAAVVVVIIISSS!!!
*HUGE HEEL JEER!*
Koss: Bianca Davis' reputation precedes her as she's known as one of the dirtiest players in the game today!
Spazz: I like me a dirty Barbie girl!
Koss: You wouldn't even get past Hello before she shut you down, Mikey.
Spazz: I'm a charming motherfucker when I wanna' be, Lunchbox!
Koss: And yet there's a scrap book with all the famous women who have slapped the shit out of you in your apartment!
Spazz: aaaaahhh.... Good times.
Jenny Beck: AND FINALLY....
Jenny double checks her card blinking.
Jenny Beck: ....oh fuck that bitch? FROM WHITE SANDS, NEW MEXICO....
#HHHHHEEEAAARRRRR MMMMMEEEE NNNOOOOWWW!!!
The growly roar of Robb Flynn sounds over the house P/A as "Imperium" by Machine Head explodes at the 1:27 mark with thunderous and brutal guitar riffs and heavy drum thuds assault the crowd's senses. This coincides with several columns of sparks exploding from beneath the corrugated steal as a tall and powerfully built woman with fierce, piercing eyes and a stone cold resting bitch face steps out onto the stage. Muscles rippled and flexed as she stood there for several seconds, her long blond hair cut neat and trim as it rests upon her shoulders. Her attire is all black leather, with a vest and tights, and boots decorated in chrome rivets, fingerless gloves studded at the knuckles, with heavy knee pads and kick padded boots completing her look. Everything about her screamed cold, calculating destruction personified.
She heads for the ring with a confident, unwavering stride. There is no fear, no anger, no fury, only certain death in those dark brown eyes. Arriving at ringside, she leaps onto the apron and slips through the ropes. She casually surveys all of the "pretty girls" in the ring and smirks, calmly to the center of the ring. There she raises her arms in a V-shape, fists clenched tightly as she crosses one leg in front of the other. Ursula then dips forward and curls her arms down and towards her chest, flexing every muscle her body has to offer, showing off that rippling power while shooting a small, devilish smirk at the camera. Slowly she looks around at the other four corners, standing stock still in the middle of the ring.
Jenny Beck: THEY CALL HER TERMINATOR FOR A REASON!!! UUUUURRRRSSSUUUULLLAAAA VVVVOOOONN RRRROOOSSSBBBAACCCHHH!
Spazz: I think I'm gonna' hurl.... lady looks like a dude!
Koss: Ursula Von Rossbach is one of the most fearsome forces Galactic Wrestling has ever seen, only having suffered one defeat her entire run under questionable circumstances!
Spazz: Bitch had a stage dropped on her and it only pissed her off!
Koss: I've seen this woman's handiwork first hand and let me just say that the only thing her opponents have against her tonight is sheer numbers!
Spazz: Judging by the looks they are giving each other, we may have just that!
Koss: Referee Kirk at ringside and she's motioning for the bell!
*DING DING DING*
Koss: Immediately Three women move in to gang up on the imposing Ursula Von Rossbach with fists and feet! Paula Shock face palmed and shoved with thunderous force! Bianca Davis immediately drops and rolls under the ropes! Remember to be eliminated, you have to go OVER the ropes and touch the floor with your feet! Juliet Black just got ROCKED by a backfist from Ursula! Crystal leaps on her back, applying a sleeper hold!
Spazz: Bianca's playing the smart game, let 'em all get tired and kill each other while she just strolls around ringside. There's no countouts in this motherfucker!
Koss: Ursula backing into a corner and LEAPING back, squashing Crystal under her 230 pound frame!
Spazz: AND HERE COMES PAULA!!!
Koss: Paula rushes in with the SHOCKING FOREARM BUT SHE'S CAUGHT BY THE THROAT! VON ROSSBACH CHOKESLAMS HER RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!!!
Jenny Beck: PAULA SHOCK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Koss: The crowd didn't like that one bit!
Spazz: She's just a loser baybaaaaayyyy!
Koss: Here comes Juliet Black with THE BARE KNUCKLE GLAM right in Ursula's face!
Ursula's head snaps to one side and yet she remains stock still, slowly she turns her gaze straight back to Juliet who responds with a gut kick and a jumping knee to Ursula's jaw, snapping her head back.
Koss: And Crystal with THE FLASHING LIGHTS KICK! Ursula falls into the ropes and now Juliet and Crystal are working together to lift Ursula up and over the ropes, UVR hooking her arms to keep them from eliminating her!
Spazz: And there's Bianca doing a sexy strut far away from it all!
Koss: It's a smart tactic by her part to try and pick up the pieces after the heavy hitters take each other out! AND URSULA'S FLIPPED OVER THE ROPES BUT SHE SKINS THE CAT AND IS BACK ON THE APRON! Bianca moving to try and pull her off now!
Spazz: DIRTY POOL! FUCKING LOVE IT!!!
Koss: Bianca eats a boot to the face and Crystal WITH ANOTHER FLASHING LIGHTS KICK! Ursula falls to the apron, hooking an arm and leg in the ropes! Bianca now trying to pull Ursula off the Apron while Juliet Black thrusts her boots into Von Rossbach's back! This is not a good place to be at all!
Spazz: Survival of the fittest yo! UVR is the biggest threat so all the fishes in the pond are banding together to take her ass out!
Koss: Suddenly Crystal moves in behind Juliet and DROPKICKS HER OVER THE ROPES! Juliet skins the cat and is now hanging out beside Ursula! Juliet rises up just in time to eat a few hard elbows from Juliet and take a rope stunner that sends her to the floor!
Spazz: OH SHIT!
Jenny Beck: JULIET BLACK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THIS MATCH!
Juliet throws a fit at ringside, yelling up at Crystal Zdunich, "YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'LL GET YOUR ASS FOR THIS!!!"
Crystal blows her a little kiss before backing up and rushing back at Ursula with a running dropkick, who'd just gotten back up, only to be KNOCKED OFF THE APRON! In a surprising sense of irony however, SHE LANDS ON BIANCA WITH BOTH FEET NEVER TOUCHING THE FLOOR!
Spazz: BIG BITCH IS ELIMINA....NO SHE'S STANDING ON BIANCA?!!!!
Koss: And Bianca isn't like that not one bit! Ursula springs off of Bianca and slides under the ropes to meet the boots of Crystal Zdunich one after the other!
Ursula slowly rises through the brutal stomps as they become kicks, only to suddenly lunge forward, scooping Crystal up via a shoulder block and brutally ramming her into a far corner. There she proceeds to batter Crystal with body quaking shoulder rams over and over again!
Spazz: That bitch fucked the wrong chick over and now she's paying for it!
Koss: Indeed, Ursula Von Rossbach is brutally dismantling Crystal Zdunich!
Ursula allows her to fall to a seat in the corner. Once there, she proceeds to stomp her chest, only stopping to plan her foot in her throat! Referee Kirk moves in to warn her and then give the five count. Ursula breaks the illegal foot choke at 4 and a half and backs away.
Koss: Referee Kirk checks on Crystal and with her back turned HERE COMES BIANCA WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
*FFFFWHHHAAACCCCKKKKTTT!!!*
Ursula turns to face Bianca and eats a thunderous chair shot to the skull, her head snapping to one side from the impact! Bianca doesn't stop, going for a second shot only for Ursula to violently headbutt the chair out of hands! Bianca falls to the canvas and immediately scoots back and away, begging and pleading for her life!
Bianca: NONONONONO! DON'T HURT ME! I'M SORRY!!! PLEASE DON'T KILL MMMMEEEE!!!!!!!
Spazz: You hit her with a fucking chair twice and all you can say is you're sorry?!
Koss: It's at least giving Ursula a moment to pause.... CRYSTAL FROM BEHIND! REVERSE HURRICANRANA BRINGS THE GIANT DOWN!
Spazz: Saved by the power of the Zudanitch, BITCH!
Koss: That's Zdunich and now Ursula is on her feet and there's Crystal now snapping off the ropes and throwing her shoulder into Ursula, driving her back into the ropes! She leaps onto Ursula's shoulders and dips back trying to Hurricanrana her right out of the ring but Ursula hooks her legs in the ropes! POWERBOMB TO THE OUTSIDE BY URSULA! CRYSTAL'S OUT!!
Jenny Beck: CRYSTAL ZDUNICH HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Spazz: HOLY FUCK CAN ANYONE STOP HER!!!
Koss: Crystal is FURIOUS outside the ring!
Crystal pounds her fists to the floor, feeling the pain of that hard fall. She just glares up at Ursula and shouts, "YOU'LL GET YOURS BIG BITCH!" All Ursula does is merely smile back at her.
Koss: The unnerving smile of Ursula Von Rossbach! BIANCA DAVIS FROM BEHIND LIFTS URSULA UP AND OVER THE ROPES!
Bianca immediately turns away with a cocky, satisfied smile as she walks to the center of the ring. She raises her arms with a smile, thinking she's won but then sudden horror dons on her when she doesn't hear Jenny announce the elimination. Unbeknownst to her, Ursula skinned the cat and rolled right back in and now stands behind her with an evil smile on her face.
Spazz: Uh bitch, you might wanna' turn around....
Koss: I don't think she wants to and I don't blame her.
Bianca's arms lower and trembling she turns around, only to find a hand around her throat like a vice grip!
*HHHHUUUUGGGGEEEE THUNDEROUS POP!*
Koss: URSULA'S GOT HER!!! SHE'S HOISTING BIANCA LIKE A RAG DOLL AND WALKING HER TO THE ROPES!!! CHOKESL-NO! BIANCA LOCKS ON A CROSS ARMBAR!!!
As Ursula went to deposit Bianca outside, the crafty ring veteran locked her into a cross armbar over the ropes, using her full body weight to both hyperextend the elbow and try to pop Ursula's shoulder out of socket! Ursula doesn't seem to register the pain but instead, GLOWERS at her with a withering stare!
Spazz: That's a great counter by you can't get her over that rope by yourself like that B!
Koss: Ursula pulling Bianca up and over the ropes now... what's she going to do?
With Bianca hanging off her arm, Ursula hoists her up and violently slams her head into the canvas, forcing her to immediately let go! On impact, Bianca rolls UNDER the ropes and out of the ring. Back in the ring, Ursula flexes her wrist and elbow, taking a moment to work the numbness out.
Koss: Bianca Davis is hurt, but she's trying to get that tactical mind of hers going!
Crowd: URSULA! URSULA! URSULA! URSULA!
Spazz: This crowd is really into big bitchzilla ain't they?
Koss: She may be feared, but she is also highly respected!
Spazz: She's a straight up killer dog! She's done jail-time for actual fucking murder!
Koss: Manslaughter, the death was ruled accidental.
Spazz: STILL!
Koss: Ursula now stalking Bianca from inside the ring, just begging her to enter the ring!
Spazz: It appears we're at a stalemate here!
Referee Kirk steps in and shouts to Bianca, "IF YOU DON'T GET IN THE RING I'M DISQUALIFYING YOU!"
Bianca looks between the referee and Ursula, then slips into the ring. Immediately UVR is on her in a flash and Bianca scrambles to get away, running around the ring until Ursula finally has her cornered....
Koss: Nowhere to run! Nowhere to hide, what are you going to do, Bianca?
Spazz: Guess she'll die? Heh...
Koss: Ursula moves in and Bianca vaults to the top rope and flips over her with a sunset pin attempt, but Ursula just reaches down and yanks her straight back up and slams her into the corner! Claw rake to the eye by Bianca and Ursula is blinded!!!
UVR snarls clutching at her freshly clawed eye and stumbling back as Bianca goes to the top rope. Ursula turns to face her and Bianca flies off with a...
Koss: DIVING QUEEN'S MAKE OVER FACE BUSTER! URSULA'S FACE HIT'S THE MAT HELLA HARD!!!
Spazz: But will it keep her down!
Koss: Nope! Ursula's on all fours and Bianca follows up with THE MALIBU FACIAL STOMP!
Spazz: Curb Stomps! Everybody loves Curb stomps!!!!
Koss: This is Bianca's only chance, She's Signaling for the Coronation!!!
Bianca makes the gesture and crouches down, watching and waiting, her entire body buzzing with excitement as she bursts towards a rising Ursula, full steam ahead. She hops forward and Ursula blocks the knee with her arm, her other hand gripping Bianca by the chest and pancaking her violently to the canvas!
Spazz: OOOOOOoooo SHUT DOWN!!!
Koss: Ursula now gathering Bianca up and applying that Double Chicken wing hold, lifts her up, runs for the ropes and ELIMINATES BIANCA WITH THE VON TERMINATOR OVER THE ROPES!
Ursula sends her careening down to the arena floor with an explosive impact, Bianca bouncing and crumpling into a heap on the floor!
Jenny Beck: BIANCA DAVIS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.... with extreme prejudice... THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH AND YOUR BRAND NEW, SHINEY AS FUCK COSMIC CHAMPION.... URSULA... VON.... RRRRRRROOOOSSSSBBBBAAAAACCCCCCHHHHH!!!!
#HEAR ME NNNNOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!
"Imperium" by Machine Head hits the PA as the crowd erupts. For the first time, Ursula stood stunned, looking uncertain at the crowd. She'd never felt this kind of a reaction from the crowd and it was almost overwhelming for her. Referee Kirk presents her with the new Cosmic Championship and raises her arm. Ursula's face becomes stone-like, impassive, but a small hint of moisture in her eyes. Ursula then hoists her championship high in the air over her head with that slow, machine-like grace.
Koss: This is the first championship that Ursula Von Rossbach has ever held in her entire career.
Spazz: Seriously? You'd think she'd be decorated as fuck man!
Koss: No and it's kind of funny how she's one of the most feared and respected women in the sport despite this.
Spazz: Well she ain't photogenic for shit and she looks like a man with store bought tits, but give it up for this tough ass bitch!
As the champion celebrates her win, the lights go out briefly in the arena. A stage appears on the big screen, the curtain before it opening to reveal a cheering crowd. Footsteps click-clack away as a woman walks forward to center stage, taking off her top hat in the midst of a blow, then coming up with arms spread as spotlights start to sweep the arena! Smoke starts to billow up from beneath the main stage and glittering pyro starts to rain down from above and into it!
Spazz: Who da' fuck is that?
Rising in the middle of the smoke as "Theatre" by Icon For Hire starts to play, top hat lowered and cape swept about her, the woman once on the screen stands in the middle of the stilled spotlights while purple and gold strobes start up. With a flourish, she sweeps off her hat and tosses the cap aside, the lights coming up to reveal none other than Zoey Madigan-Star, smack-dab in the middle of Tuesday Night Enterprise!
Koss: That's Zoey Madigan-Star, Wrestler and renowned Stage Magician!
Spazz: Wrestling magician huh? HEY BITCH! PULL A RABBIT OUT YOUR HOLE!
Koss: Will you stop!
The crowd, naturally, is going off as loud as can be, most if not all of them on their feet! In the ring, the champion turns, giving her a hard, withering stare in response to the magician interrupting their moment of glory!
Koss: Rumor was that Galatic was pursuing her for a while but I dismissed it as just backstage scuttlebutt! But here she is, in the flesh!
"Theatre" fades out as Zoey produces from within her hat a microphone, holding it up high as she soaks in the love from the fans, a bright smile upon her purple-painted lips. It takes a few moments for them to calm enough to let her get a word in edgewise, but once she's able to speak, she gets right down to business!
Zoey Madigan-Star: Do not adjust your sets, do not make an appointment with your optemetrist and, I promise you, it isn't the nachos making you hallucinate!
Bowing deeply to the fans, Zoey comes up with a little twirl and brings the mic up once more.
Zoey Madigan-Star: The Sorceress Supreme of Professional Wrestling has indeed come to Enterprise. And I'm here to do what I do best: put on the show like none you've ever seen before!
The crowd roars their approval... and while she's still smiling, the magician's eyes are locked on the woman in the ring, the one with the shiny gold belt!
Zoey Madigan-Star: As for you, 'Terminator,' you don't look happy to see me! Thankfully, this is just the prelude to an even grander display of magic, a spell of grand proportions! At BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, I'm going to make that championship of yours disappear...
Spazz: To be fair, that bitch never looks happy to see anybody.
She points at the ring with a white-gloved hand, snapping her fingers sharply.
Zoey Madigan-Star: ...and reappear around my waist! Because I'm back, baby, and it's about time that I had a little glory I could call all my own! Ursula? Come ready to fight with all your might! Because thanks to me? Battle Beyond the Stars is going to be, without a doubt, the...
Crowd: ...show of a lifetime!
Letting the fans finish for her, Zoey exhorts them to get louder, while she remains atop the stage, a sweet smile and fiery eyes locked onto the woman in the ring and the belt over her shoulder! Ursula merely looks out over the crowd who were just moments before chanting her name and offers up a small smirk.
Spazz: Ya' know, Ursula could just say fuck you and walk off.
Koss: She's laid a challenge out for the Champion just moments after her victory at Galactic Enterprise's Battle Beyond The Stars PPV coming on the 29th of January!
Ursula's head dips forward, glaring holes through her challenger. Jenny Beck moves in close and offers up a microphone, which is promptly taken.
UVR: I accept your terms, but when you I leave you with your spine destroyed in four weeks time, do not dare complain about a shortened career and limited-at-best mobility afterwards.
With that Ursula tosses the microphone aside to Jenny, who catches it with ease. Zoey then promptly bows, then whips her cloak around her and with a loud pop and a puff of smoke, she's gone in an instant.
Koss: What a hell of an opening night for Melinda Rhodes and one hell of a show! What does the future hold in store for the GWW Enterprise brand? Tune in next week to find out!!!
Spazz: SNOOTCH TO THE BOOTH MOTHERFUCKERS! NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA' HERE! IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME!!!
The scene cuts with Ursula still staring at the entrance arch, watching wisps of smoke clear as the GWW theme plays and the credits scroll over the screen.